3 Morning Routine Tips: Kid Edition

Kids are fucking messy and unorganized. Kids are also obnoxious in the morning.  They don’t want to get up, they whine about what you made for breakfast, they scream about not liking the outfit they just made you buy at Target. I know.. You want to pull your hair out and run away to a spa in Dubai. Same. I am so over it.

My daughter actually wakes up screaming that she wants to watch strange Baby Alive videos (look it up..) on her tablet, eat ice cream and then has the nerve to ask me to take her to Target. I get it, we all want these things, especially in the morning, but it just isn’t realistic.

But with these 3 simple tips, your morning routine will be much easier!

Tell your kids its a brand spanking new day in the ______ (insert your last name here) household.

Your conversation should go something like this “Hello my sweet darling angel. Tomorrow morning is going to be a new day. We are going to do some new things tonight and tomorrow morning to make our day go much more smoothly. Thanks for your attention, now leave me alone so I can watch Making A Murderer. I’ll come get you in an hour (possibly 3) to start”

Have your kids help pick out their clothes. 

The night before, have your kids pick out the outfit they WANT to wear. Have them lay the outfit out, complete with shoes and socks. If they don’t want to wear the sweater your mother-in-law hand knit for them, stop trying to make them wear it. It’s fugly and everyone hates it. Let them wear the striped leggings and the shirt with the purple unicorn, its school, it will be ruined by week 3 anyway.

Here is what Penelope chose. She has great fashion sense, obviously.


Have your kiddos help make their lunch

Bring your children into the kitchen and introduce them to the kitchen appliances (not the stove, but definitely the fridge. Dishwasher if you’re feeling like a little child labor). Let them know they are perfectly capable of doing shit like make their lunch. Get them a cute lunchbox that they will be proud to bring to school.

Have them place the items that you have pre-approved into their lunchbox.

Wallah – off to school

To be quite honest, when we do these steps, it does help. However, I still usually have to bribe her to get her clothes on or to eat her breakfast before we are 3 hours late. Usually I end up screaming my head off but hey, we are all working on things.

Wondering how I keep it together as a single parent? Check out Don’t Feel Sorry For Me.. There Is A Positive Side To Single Parenting







3 thoughts on “3 Morning Routine Tips: Kid Edition

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