Let’s just get right to it. The phrase “Be His Peace” is super popular on social media right now. The meme usually shows a woman and a man happily together but typically the woman is doting on the man in someway. The phrase stems from instead of being “crazy”, you should be your mans “peace” so that he keeps coming back to you. As if coming back to you is an issue.
Here are some other phrases I often hear:
“Be His Peace” – Get your own peace and leave me alone.
“Grow some balls” – I don’t need to, I have semi good ovaries.
“Man up” – No thanks, I am a woman and I will make shit happen regardless.
“If you would just lose weight, you’d find a husband” – I like men who like my body shape.
“If you would be more submissive, you’d find a husband” – I like intelligent men who want a partner, not a maid.
“You’re a smart girl” – I had a direct report say this to me as I was terminating them. I AM 27! I am a grown woman and your boss.
I have a few problems with this phrase and I am going to tell ya all about them!
I think one of the biggest problems people fail to realize with misogyny is that not only is it offensive to women, it is offensive to men too. Misogyny reduces men down to a barbaric level of cavemen boneheads. “Be His Peace” cuts men down to a level of needing women to be their “happiness” and the “peacefulness” in their lives. I think men do a fine job of having plenty of happiness and peacefulness in their lives with or without women. Hello..get a life. It is 100% not a woman’s job to be the main source of your peace. Get your own peace! Do you feel me or do you feel me?
Okay.. so I get it. Be in a peaceful relationship (totally support this) but what about MY peace? Can we talk about how many abusive men are out there and how many men are semi abusive/quick to anger/get mad if you go out with your friends/controlling/demanding/sexually obsessed/want feet pictures who disturb all your womanly peace ? NOT all men are like this, but some of them are and I would almost put money on it to say the ones begging you to be “their peace” are probably the ones that are not peaceful at all. Just a thought..
“Be His Peace” makes it seem like expressing any amount of emotion would be viewed as “crazy”. Newsflash, we all have emotions and it is completely normal to express them. If you can’t handle emotions being expressed to you, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship at this moment (or try therapy). I am not always peaceful, I am not always happy, sometimes I have shit to say and I shouldn’t feel bad for saying it within a relationship.
Victim blaming and pointing the finger at women. Okay so maybe you’re going to think I am reaching far here but stay with me..I am not saying women are victims but I am saying we seem to bare most of the pressures to be perfect.
How come we are always talking about what women should do to make their men happy? How come we are the ones mainly cooking, cleaning, working, taking care of the kids, having sex whenever you want, listening but not talking too much, worrying about the way we look, making sure your friends like us but not TOO much, controlling our emotions, doing your laundry, dealing with your mother and now we gotta worry about making sure we are doing it all “peacefully” too? *INSERT MAJOR EYE ROLL*
If you are in a relationship where you need the other person to be your peace and/or fighting a lot/not compatible..it is probably time to look at that. I do not believe in working shit out when it isn’t working. Again, get therapy, it is life changing. I have been in very toxic relationships where the signs were so blatant and I have been in others where there are small but consistent micro aggressions like “we should really go to the gym” when I am changing in front of him. Toxicity in your life will eat away at you slowly and then very quickly.
So in conclusion, be your own peace, find someone who is also equally as peaceful (for themselves and not you!) and of course.. #Feminism
Life is too short to spend it with some bonehead caveman.