I have been “in” therapy since November 2017. Now that I am thinking about it, I don’t think I have ever consistently seen a provider for this long. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I absolutely love my therapist, Camille. Is she my person? Yes. If I told her she is my person would she probably ask me to stop saying that? Probably. Last week I told her she looked quite formal vs. her usual business casual and she said “Oh STOP!”
Anyway, Camille is fabulous, we all know this. My therapist has allowed me to open up in ways that I didn’t know were actually possible. She has allowed for self exploration that has truly changed the way I view life. She has challenged me to find self worth even when I didn’t think it was going to work. When I first started seeing Camille, I can truly say it was rough. I was so focused on my current relationships that the work I needed to do got shoved aside. I think all along Camille knew this but anyway..
At first, therapy kinda ruined my day. I would leave feeling very unstable and weepy. I think that I left feeling unstable because that is how my life felt. Now, I leave and I’m like “K..so what is your availability in two weeks, can’t wait to see ya!!!!”
So, I am sure you’re wondering, if you are “so much better” why do you still pay $100 an hour to see her?
Well, because I am not “so much better”. Okay yes, I am better and my life is truly changed, but I still have a lot of work to do. Therapy is a challenge. Therapy is something that anyone can benefit from. It isn’t just for fucked up people, depressed people or people going through something significant. If you are ready to self reflect, therapy is for you. If you aren’t ready to self reflect, therapy is EVEN MORE for you.
Reason #1 Why I Still Go To Therapy
I go to reflect upon progress. My therapist reminds me all the time of the place I was in over a year ago and how my life is different now. Sometimes it is hard to see progress when you have a lot of other shit that clouds your mind. Or, if you are like me, you focus so hard on “Well, how can I be even better?”
A year ago, I wouldn’t have been comfortable without someone in my bed majority nights.
A year ago, I would have been in a toxic work environment that didn’t allow me to flourish creatively or have a life outside of it.
A year ago, I wouldn’t have been open to being on a daily anti-depressant (Also, could we possible look into petitioning to call these meds pro-happiness? just a thought).
A year ago, I would have been googling symptoms of random illnesses that I do not have.
Reason #2 Why I Still To Go To Therapy
I go for continued healing. Newsflash, I have a few issues and in all likelihood I have a bunch of other issues I haven’t uncovered yet. Therapy isn’t an overnight thing. You don’t go once and feel instantly better. Slowly and over time, you start to feel a little more whole. It gets easier to talk to someone about your darkest moments and how you truly feel about things.
Before therapy, a lot of my emotions just came out as uncontrollable crying or anger. Now, I feel like I am able to see things more clearly and able to express the WHY behind my emotions.
Reason #3 Why I Still Go To Therapy
I go so that I can anticipate future issues.
“How will I handle accepting ‘normal’ love?
“How can I communicate better in relationships?”
“What am I even looking for in a partner?”
“How will I cope when I am pregnant and cannot be on the medication I am currently prescribed?”
“What can I do today to make tomorrow more enjoyable?”
“What will I do when I am triggered within a relationship?”
I go to get these questions answered. I go to anticipate what my future needs will be.
Starting therapy wasn’t an easy decision but sticking with therapy has been the greatest gift I gave myself. It was nerve racking but as you all know, I practically found the greatest match in a therapist EVER. So, I’d say I got lucky. It is hard to admit when you need help but I can truly say it has been life changing for me. If you are curious about therapy, check out your Employee Assistance Program. Most of these can offer a few free sessions and guidance on mental health.